May 28, 2011

Unititled again

This is about the strength that came from the inside and luminated my entire body. Carried me above and made me see the pitiless figure I had become. It took a suppression of self respect till it refused to be pushed down anymore. It rose, forced me rise and see myself in a new light. I will cry no more. No, I will not cry anymore.

May 22, 2011

Migration Phenomenon

Why do migratory birds come to India from Russia, every year? Don’t they know that they their home will get very cold for thousands of years? Why haven’t they still adapted to nature, their nature? Why are they refusing to adjust when the alternative is a lot of hard work? Flying thousands of miles to escape what their bodies could never adapt to, Darwin should be puzzled. Should one try to ‘draw’ an analogy from this fact? Or should it be left, because sometimes natural processes might not reflect life. I am still thinking of analogies. Maybe I don’t have enough experience.  Maybe, I don’t have enough knowledge to decipher this phenomenon in the right way. Maybe, I should fly out and attain both.

May 3, 2011

Luckiest Girl In The World

It is awful when you lose power over yourself, you are completely at the mercy of your emotions and they are bent to get the worst out of you. Yesterday was one of those days where, had I been left alone, I would've done something that future me would not be proud of.
After a traumatic phone call, I sat on my bed, completely broken. It was the worst feeling ever. I pressed the call button again but cut it. Again, and I disconnected. Then, I go up, went to the mirror, looked at myself and I thought. What would happen if this ends? Will I be able to survive it? And sadly, I had serious doubts on myself. It was then that I picked up my phone and I wrote, ' I am feeling really low right now. I need you. Just don't ask me what its about. Just make me happy.' I sent this to Arushi, Richa, Sanya, Saad, Bhavna, Pragya. And I am so glad, they were there to save my life!
Immediately after I sent the message, Sanya, my true love, called me and asked me to tell her what the problem was. When I refused, she again asked. Then she suggested that I get chocolate and go for a walk. I felt my mood lift up and I felt like there were people around me who love me. Her voice gave me a high! A much needed one, at that.
Then Sadaf texted and asked me if I wanted to meet up. I asked her if she would come to my hostel. She said, 'I am almost there'. So true? No baby, you are always there.
Bhavna called as I was texting Saad. She asked me talk, I didnt. She then tried to make me laugh, suggesting ways to be happy. She diverted my mind. Made things seem easier. Life seemed lesser trying.
Saad came, with her incessant nonsense, much neeeded by me that time. And yay!
Richa started texting me. Said the things I needed to hear. Told me that I will make her proud someday.

Later, in the hostel, my two new found soul-ies, Isha and Amishi made things like a cake walk. They make me talk, don't make stupid assumptions. And listen. Yesterday, Isha truly remarked, 'Where does all that feminism go when you are getting hurt this way?'

When your self esteem is pushed into the ground, there is no other option for it but to rise up. I guess, I don't have to take shit anymore. I will be alright no matter what happens. I have people who truly love me. And that GOD for that. :)