May 3, 2011

Luckiest Girl In The World

It is awful when you lose power over yourself, you are completely at the mercy of your emotions and they are bent to get the worst out of you. Yesterday was one of those days where, had I been left alone, I would've done something that future me would not be proud of.
After a traumatic phone call, I sat on my bed, completely broken. It was the worst feeling ever. I pressed the call button again but cut it. Again, and I disconnected. Then, I go up, went to the mirror, looked at myself and I thought. What would happen if this ends? Will I be able to survive it? And sadly, I had serious doubts on myself. It was then that I picked up my phone and I wrote, ' I am feeling really low right now. I need you. Just don't ask me what its about. Just make me happy.' I sent this to Arushi, Richa, Sanya, Saad, Bhavna, Pragya. And I am so glad, they were there to save my life!
Immediately after I sent the message, Sanya, my true love, called me and asked me to tell her what the problem was. When I refused, she again asked. Then she suggested that I get chocolate and go for a walk. I felt my mood lift up and I felt like there were people around me who love me. Her voice gave me a high! A much needed one, at that.
Then Sadaf texted and asked me if I wanted to meet up. I asked her if she would come to my hostel. She said, 'I am almost there'. So true? No baby, you are always there.
Bhavna called as I was texting Saad. She asked me talk, I didnt. She then tried to make me laugh, suggesting ways to be happy. She diverted my mind. Made things seem easier. Life seemed lesser trying.
Saad came, with her incessant nonsense, much neeeded by me that time. And yay!
Richa started texting me. Said the things I needed to hear. Told me that I will make her proud someday.

Later, in the hostel, my two new found soul-ies, Isha and Amishi made things like a cake walk. They make me talk, don't make stupid assumptions. And listen. Yesterday, Isha truly remarked, 'Where does all that feminism go when you are getting hurt this way?'

When your self esteem is pushed into the ground, there is no other option for it but to rise up. I guess, I don't have to take shit anymore. I will be alright no matter what happens. I have people who truly love me. And that GOD for that. :)

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